Brian Cornwell here to school you on turning your home into the goddamn eye candy of the neighborhood.

You want to feel that pride when you look at your palace, so let’s dive into the ultimate siding playbook that’s going to transform your place into a masterpiece of architecture.

Picture this: your fortress shining with the elegance of smooth fiber cement, rolling with the cool ease of vinyl, or flexing the indomitable might of metal sidings that scream “tough as nails.” But hey, if you’re feeling more connected to Mother Earth, wrapping your den in natural woods like cedar or those high-tech thermally modified woods is going to make your heart beat faster. And for the clever heads, engineered wood or those sneaky wood-look composites – yeah, I’m looking at you, concrete – they’re like the secret building material that no one sees coming.

Now, let’s jazz up the joint with styles that’ll make your house the main character. We’re not settling for plain old vanilla; we’re unleashing a hurricane of designs – shingle for that classic touch, beaded for the smooth operators, and let’s not forget the horizontals and verticals that cut sharper than my wit. Board and batten? You bet, it’s rugged yet refined, just like yours truly. And for the connoisseurs of fine detail, shakes, clapboard, Dutch lap (fancy, huh?), ship lap, and even those cute as hell scallops. Every piece of your house screaming unique, standing tall and proud for the entire neighborhood to admire. So step up your game and dress your home in the top-tier threads it deserves.